Cinderella's final dance....

Yes, this is it my final blog about CAMD. I haven't blogged in several days about the book and in the meantime, have finished the book. The last few chapters did a great job of summing up the premise of the book and continued to make my brain cells work overtime. Overall the book was very thought provoking and I believe a good parenting book for any parent, whether you have boys or girls.
There is alot I could discuss over the last 4 chapters, but I think I will just wrap it up in a non-controversial manner, encourage you to read the book and let me know what you think. Marketing and media grab hold of our kids, no matter how old they are. The best defense we have as parents against media, music, and movies, is to talk WITH our children. That is unless you want to move to Sweden where marketing to children under twelve is acutally illegal. We could take a lesson from Rapunzel and her mother, it is not our job to keep the world at bay but to prepare our daughters so they may thrive. However, I think the same goes for our boys.

Who knows what book I will get my hands on next that warrants blogging about but you will be the first to know!

This one is for the kids!

I have the hardest time on days when work gets the best of me and then the 2-3 precious hours I have with my kids go by so fast. Why can't the work day go as fast? Tonight I simply fell apart and that makes me mad. It makes me mad, because I am stronger than that, but at the same time as a working mom, all I really want is time with my kids. Today was a day that just didn't balance for me, we all have them, we all react to them, and we all wish they didn't happen.

Jasper is 13 months old and going strong, literally, he is strong. Strong vocal cords, grip, you name it. He is a "bruiser," shoes don't fit and clothes are getting too small, I guess it is a good thing the season is about to change. The night before last I fixed him his last bottle that had any trace of formula in it : (. My baby is 100% whole milk now. Why is it that the little things make such an impact? Jasper is a huge fan of brushing his teeth and watching The Wizard of Oz, he gets that from his sister. However, Kelly and I have decided that the movie was much more appealing when we didn't have to watch bits and pieces of it everyday. This too shall pass.

Danica has officially been enrolled in FLOWER PATCH PRESCHOOL for the 2011-2012 school year. What? Danica is old enough to got to preschool. I know, hard to believe, it was for me too. She is so excited and especially excited about going with other kids. She has thoroughly enjoyed the twice a month trips to the public library with my mom for story time and afterwards, we try to meet for lunch at the local diner. Danica is into dinosaurs, fish, planning her Summer vacation, birthday cake and her Halloween costume (right now it is the wicked witch, she wants to be spooky). Quite the smorgasbord, huh?

We have enjoyed the short break from the Winter weather and are eagerly awaiting more time outdoors!

Pop culture....brings about question?

As I make my way through the 1/2 way point of this "enchanting" book I am not sure I am learning a lot but I am thinking a great deal and taking a bit of time to process my ability to raise a daughter in this crazy world we live in. Maybe we are over thinking this princess phenomenon. Maybe not, I just received my nieces 1st birthday party invitation, and it was Tinkerbell. We do encourage it, maybe not on purpose or with much thought, but we do, well some of us do.
In the last chapter or two here are a few thoughts and questions to get you thinking.

Will you let your daughter have and/or play with a toy gun? I guess the question for me was not my daughter, but my children. If I would let my son, why wouldn't I let my daughter. However, it was interesting that the author in questioning several moms, they would buy and let their son play with a toy gun, but not their daughters. Why? I for one do not believe that toy guns or "old school" cartoons like Tom and Jerry, lead to violence. Toy guns are merely an outlet for imaginative play, that should be monitored by parents and guided when necessary.

Naturally, most women are going to object to the sexualization of girls, but do you object to girls having sex? We could go on and on with this question. In my opinion my daughter, and son will be taught that "true love waits." However, true love may not be when they are married. I don't want my children to be a part of casual sex or do something to make someone else feel good. They need to be doing most things in their lives for themselves, philanthropy excluded (yes they will be taught that--of course). I don't ever want them to lose themselves. I will not "force" abstinence, they will know that that is the safest for them, but I truly believe that only makes them more curious, willing to hide if they chose to have sex and makes sex seem "bad." Sex is not bad. However, sex should not be used to keep someone from leaving or done because everyone else is doing it. The lesson in sex from my view is be true to yourself. But, I have lots of time to continue to mold my beliefs on this subject.

The ideas in this portion of the book are intersting and the vast history of fairy tales in comparison to the current day rendetions is fascinating and somewhat disturbing and without a doubt worth reading the book. As is the intriguing look into the world of the "girl crushes" or idols of young girls, i.e. Hillary Duff, Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, Brittney Spears and the like. They of course brought about the sexualization discussion.

The next chapter I am about to begin starts out discussing "fat." Should be interesting and I think I can relate.

Girls....get pinked!

Okay this blog covers two chapters...one chapter, I will be honest, I skimmed. I skimmed it because it covered Toddler Pageants, hate the idea, they should not exist, could not stand to read about them. So we will just get it out of the way.
The other chapter covered society and gender differences and included the story of one couple from Sweden who wanted to conceal their child's gender and therefore called the child Pop and changed the child's hairstyle regularly as well as "its" clothes, sometimes dresses sometimes trousers. I am sure that child isn't a bit confused. I guess atleast our boys and girls are firmly routed in who, or what they are. Well, sort of it seems, from one neurologist that boy and girls at a very early age, do not know pink from blue. I see this from having one each, Jasper is very different from Danica but has no problem in picking up and playing with her magic wand or pink purse, right now, I am sure some day, hopefully, he won't want to touch it with a 10 ft. pole.
It isn't until 2 or 3 that they pick up on a thing called girl and a thing called boy. Which I also see in Danica as she is becoming very interested in anatomy and why Jasper has a penis and she does not.
It is natural for her to be " in love" with all of the girl stuff, natural and normal, and therefore harmful for us as parents to not be supportive of this phase of childhood. Girl is what she understands and as she is exploring being a girl, princesses, pink and frill are what girls are all about.
I believe it to be important to support this princess play, as hard as it might be, and also encourage play between boys and girls, even if it is with dolls. Boys and girls playing together encourages their communication and hopefully respect for one another leading to a much more polite future with one another.
Ms. Orenstein said it best in her conclustion to the chapter. How do we allow for exploration of feminity without exploitations of feminity? Can it become over the top, or better yet, how does it become over the top?

Pinked! Fitting for the season.

Yes the latest chapter in my book is entitled Pinked and fitting for the content and for the most recently celebrated holiday. This chapter covers the concept of marketing and the evolution of how "once upon a time" children were not color coded and it is because of marketing trends that we have developed the perception of certain colors for girls and boys. Agree. This made me think about my own son and how recently he was given an adorable outfit by his grandparents for his 1st birthday pictures. It was the traditional, however somewhat non-traditional for our time, one piece "shortall", complete with smocking, knee socks and white long sleeved collared shirt. I laughed at first, but he looked adorable in it. My mom was quick to say, at least I didn't have you dress him in your dad's pink shortall from when he was a baby. Pink, are you kidding me. However, after reading this chapter I quickly learned that pink was actually the masculine hue when nursery colors where first introduced. It was a pastel version of red---strength. Blue, symbolized femininity. The author points out that maybe that is why so many of the early Disney princesses were dressed in blue. Ahhhhh, quite interesting if I do say so myself.
It is marketing by clothing manufacturers that have brought us the plethora of "kid categories" like infant, toddler, kid, tween, and teen, that's right they were not developed by psychologists, they were developed by manufacturers of clothing. And with the categories, comes the split of genders and an easier audience to market. The author has found that there is is actually a "pink factor." The pink factor? Yes, that is when toy manufacturers and marketers make a toy in pink as well as a "boy color" in hopes that parents will purchase the pink one for their girl, have a boy and then have to repurchase the same toy for their boy, or vice versa depending on the birth order. HA! I say, we did not fall into your pink factor trap. We most recently bought black and red skates as opposed to the pink ones for Danica, so Jasper could use them. Her Leap Top is green and white and I have even bought some jackets in greens and reds so we can hand them down and every year so far, Danica has gotten black crocs for the summer and her tricycle is red.
Gender behavior, inborn or learned--still waiting to find out.

Cinderella...What's wrong with her?

Don't misunderstand me, I don't think there is anything really wrong with a love of the Disney princesses, I don't necessarily believe that there is an underlying between them and my daughter not feeling empowered, unlike the author of this book. However, she does make some valid points. Where on earth do the girls get it, it is like they are born with this gene, except the gene in Danica did not come from me, maybe it came from my sister, she was the Barbie lover and the Disney movie fanatic.
It was interesting to find out that it wasn't until the year 2000 that the Disney princesses were actually marketed separate from their films release. And, I find some pride in the fact that Danica tends to be pulled more toward the more obscure Disney films (if that makes sense), Mulan, Alladin, and Snow White, yes they are the princesses that are considered to be less popular. Also, I must point out that you must pay attention next time when you see all the princesses featured together, they are never looking at one another, making eye contact. Why? Roy Disney considered it heresy to lump together the princesses from a different story, therefore they all stare off into different directions when featured together. Creepy if you ask me.
I guess I am still learning a lot about the Disney fixation by our young girls, but I don't think it is just Disney or just princesses. Ms. Orenstein explores a bit of the American Doll craze as well. American Doll, that one really gets me so I don't think I am even going to go there. I guess what I don't really understand is how quickly it all takes hold of a little girl, or boy in some situations, and I am just not sure it is healthy and I am especially not sure in how to handle it.
For example, I was in the shower the other morning and heard Danica in my bathroom drawers. I asked her what she was doing and she replied "putting on my makeup," to which I replied, you are beautiful you don't need makeup. She continued to "apply" eye shadow and pull back the shower curtain to show me the finished product. I continued to tell her that she didn't need makeup, she was naturally beautiful. How does this happen? I am not a terribly made up person and if I don't have to, I don't put on makeup or spend too much time on my hair. I am not convinced this all comes from society, but I am not convinced it is genetic either.
Princesses, Barbies, and American Dolls are a comfort, uncomplicated and stable in what can be a very complicated being for young girls---they are fun and in my opinion, at least at this point they aren't going to shape my daughters self esteem....I hope they aren't shaping her self worth, confidence and image.
I am still very confused on how such young girls get so obsessed at such an early age.

Cinderella Ate My Daughter, a perspective

I have been following some buzz about a new book written by Peggy Orenstein called "Cinderella Ate My Daughter" Dispatches from the front lines of hte new girlie-girl culture. I was intrigued by the title, the cover, and the "flap" and decided what the heck and bought the book off Amazon. Well I got it in the mail yesterday and quickly put aside my "serious" book "Little Bee" and cracked open the cover, Chapter 1 Why I Hoped for a Boy immediately made me realize I was going to blog while I read this book. I immediately thought I might have something in common with the author and knew it was going to be a very thought provoking and eye opening book. Now while my first thought when I found out I was pregnant was not gosh I hope I don't have a girl, I will be honest and say I had some pretty strong aprehensions about having a girl. I didn't want a princess, covered in pink, afraid to get dirty or have her own opinions, (ok, I want her to have her own opinions, I just don't want them to be determined by society but of her own will), neither did the author of this book. I also was seriously afraid of dress up, barbie dolls and pig tails, ok long hair in general. And it is amazing how quickly we were bombarded with pink when we found out we were having a girl, even Kelly and I's first clothing purchase for our child was a blue sundress, not counting the Michael Jordan onesie we bought in the early 90's : ) We were commited to making a somewhat gender neutral nursery and not going over the top with pink or any girl color for that matter. I cannot say the same for the many wonderful friends and family that showered us with gifts. So.....how did our beautiful little girl become fascinated with Disney princesses and wearing dresses all the time? Society. And that is Ms. Orenstein's point in this book it would seem after reading the first chapter. Why and how did it happen? As I get in touch with my own feelings while reading this book I encourage you to share your thoughts too. I love my daughter and don't necessarily mind a love of pink, tutus, dresses and long hair, I just hope I can keep up. However, I don't ever want my daughter to feel like she has to wear makeup or dress in fancy dresses and shoes because she is a girl and because it is the only way to look beautiful.
**Note: for those of you that could give a damn about my posts on this book, sorry, just delete the email when you get it, I will be sure to clearly label a post when it is of my adorable babies.

Time flies....

Have you ever noticed how truly fast time flies? I have in just one day saved a spot for Danica to go to school next year. Yes, she is old enough to go to preschool. It was one week ago today that I picked up our local newspaper and saw the ad for preschool enrollment for the 2011-2012 school year. As lame as it may seem, I teared up, now I didn't all out ball like a baby, I just got a little sad. It seems like I was just craddling our little Danica in my arms and now I am going to be getting her all dressed up for her very first day of preschool. I have plenty of time to prepare and to find just the right dress. Yes, find just the right dress, Danica, unlike her mother, is not interested in wearing any pants, only dresses and skirts. However, just like her mother to heck with the tights. So I am now faced with a 2 1/2 year old that cares about what she wears, tells me what she wants to wear, won't you use her adorable hooded "baby" towels anymore and is going to start school. What the heck happened?
And, if her growing up isn't enough Jasper is saying more and more words everyday, most have everything to do with food or eating in general and he is officially walking everywhere!
So, I guess time doesn't stand still eventhough sometimes it might feel like it is. We are cherishing all the little moments and trying to capture them and bottle them up.
Here is a video of Danica singing a line from "Jack and the Beanstalk" a favorite fairy tale for now.
The world is blessed with 2 pretty special kiddos in Danica and Jasper!